She-Wolf by Barbora-Klapalova
Allora. Here I am, approximately two decades behind the curve in starting a blog. I have been very hesitant to begin because:
a) I don’t really read blogs myself and wonder if anyone does
b) I am terrified of sharing my thoughts for fear of being laughed at, rejected, ignored, dismissed, shamed or hated
c) I am a technophobe and wish, actually, that I could just photocopy pages from my journal rather than typing thoughts here. There is something about the computer that makes me edit, and I want this process to be as free and open as possible.
So forgive me, in advance (I am talking to my future self here, more than anyone else). In these posts, I may bore, confuse, annoy and offend. I hope you laugh, nod and light up inside, but you may very well cringe, roll your eyes or curl your lip in distaste.
But contrary to my natural tendencies and conditioning, I must ignore my concerns about you — friends, family, foes and future self. I have realised that I must go on this journey to challenge and find myself. I must write, as a discipline and an artistic process that will illuminate what is yet to come. I have no purpose other than to begin.
On a wall at Body Mind Life, the yoga studio I practise at in Sydney, there is this quote by Sting: “Yoga is almost like music in a way; there’s no end to it.”
Sting leaning on a tree, therefore spiritual. Via Rip It To Shreds
Potential cringe right there, but I believe writing is the same. It’s likely that once I begin, I will be so overcome by the beautiful, seductive freedom of sharing that I will spurt out great gobs of gross and messy parts of myself, like a teenage boy who’s never been touched (see Jim in American Pie). It may not be good, or graceful, which is particularly scary for me — because I always want to present thoughtfully, with a sense of cohesion, as if I have some grip on what I’m saying and why.
But that’s not true to life, and that’s not what this is about. This is going to be a freewheeling, exhilarating, potentially dangerous, adventure. It will take me somewhere, and no doubt transform me. It will change how I think about myself, and perhaps how you think about me. Despite/because of this, I begin. Because writing is a muscle that will only get ripped and raw, rugged and rippling, with exercise. Like my physio Rachel says, Use It Or Lose It.
So, like Jim, I’m preparing for complete and very public embarrassment.
Welcome to the show.